I have the funniest/cutest nephews/baby sister EVER!

So my little brother Nainoa made this video...I've forgotten how hilarious they all are. I can't wait to go home!!! 5 more weeks!!! :D

Priesthood Blessings.

Yesterday started off amazing and then horrible then stressful then depressing and regretful.

And then I got a Priesthood blessing from my two guy friends (who are also my home teachers).

I cannot fully express how grateful I am that they remain worthy and honor their priesthood. I'd be so lost without the comfort and peace and reassurance I felt from the moment they laid their hands upon my head.

I know I will make it through all of this.

Turning to prayer.

My friend gave me this link to an AWESOME general conference talk by Richard G. Scott called Using the Supernal Gift of Prayer and it really helped me out with all these decisions weighing on my mind lately. It hasn't gotten any easier, but I've been able to go about it in a smarter way, with the Spirit.

Today started off pretty well. I was planning on sleeping in because my first class (which is normally at 11 am) got canceled. But for some reason, I haven't been able to sleep well at all lately and kept waking up. I just ended up getting out of bed at around 915-ish, which is when I usually get ready for class. So I decided to go running at around 10. It was such a beautiful day out and I really had no excuse not to run! Except how pathetically out of shape I am...I was dying and this thin air didn't help at all. I only ran for 25 min. But I got a lot of thinking done during that 25 min. Got ready for the day. Checked the mail and my day immediately got about ten times better. :)

First I got a letter from Josh. I love his letters! They aren't just boring, plain envelopes with one piece of paper in it that takes 2 seconds to read. For the past year our letters have been really interesting, haha. We always draw on the envelope we're sending (his artwork is WAY better than mine) and we always put little weird things in it from that week. Like in my Valentine's package/letter...I got some rocks and leaves from his backyard. It's funny how you treasure even the littlest, weirdest things just because they're from a special someone. So today's letter had writing and drawings on the envelope as usual, then I opened it and there was freaking...I don't even know inside. Hahaha. After reading the letter, I found out it was some stick that was from his dinner at Macaroni Grill and he broke it up into pieces, so it looked like a bunch of Christmas tree pine needles were in my envelope! I just shook my head and laughed and said "What a weirdo...hahaha."

But not only did I get a letter from Josh! His family sent me a care package for my birthday! And not a small one either, it was the biggest flat rate package box you can send (costs $14.50) and it was FULL of local snacks and ohhh my gosshhhh I was SOOOOO HAPPY!!! I wasn't even expecting it either!! I love his family so freaking much, I feel like I was truly meant to be a part of it. So later on I'm going to call Mama Graham them to thank them. They really didn't need to send me anything, a simple card would've been fine (which I also got :smile: ) but I'm just really grateful for the care package! I must send them a thank you card too.

I know that these past 15 1/2 months have been a crazy ride. Literally. I don't think it was that many significant events occurred (even though there kind of have been a lot..), but a lot of changes have occurred within myself. I've never tried this hard to be so faithful. I've never consistently had an attitude of the eternal perspective in my everyday life. I've never so consistently studied the scriptures, especially the Book of Mormon with such depth and patience and respect. My testimony has grown so much. This is why I want to serve a mission so badly. I look at myself and my whole life as an "active" member of the church and then I look at me now. I know I was young and had yet to grow and mature, but I haven't had an active Spirit until now. And I credit the spark to the flame to Josh. The very fact that he is on a mission made me want to be a better person. In the beginning, I told myself "If I don't stay close to God, I won't be close to him. Whether or not I'm successful in this waiting process depends on the brightness of my testimony." So initially, I wanted to do it for him. But as I have further indulged myself in the gospel, there's this fire, this desire I can't really explain. I actually look forward to reading my scriptures each morning/night. It makes me want so badly to share it with the world. Everyone is equally loved by our Father in Heaven, and they deserve to come to this knowledge too. This knowledge of hope and love and peace.

I used to tell myself that going on a mission would be my back-up plan. Even though I was so very determined to make our relationship work, I just told myself, just in case, that I'd serve a mission if things don't work out between us.

Things have been working out. In fact, it's more than that. We've been so edified in each other and our testimonies have bonded and grown together. I love him on a level I never knew possible before. I thought it was all about feelings and passions for a special person. Now I see it as something so much more. It's as if we've become one with and in each other. His success equals my success. His happiness equals my happiness. Maybe this is what being sealed to someone for time and all eternity means? I hope that one day we will share that experience together. I suspect that in marriage, it doesn't mean life will be easier and more comfortable now that we are united, never to be separated again. It just means we covenant to take on greater commitments, to aspire to accomplish greater works with each of us contributing our spirits and personalities. I sure as heck don't expect parenthood to be easy, haha. But I think that's why it was meant to be shared by two people: both a mother and a father. It's not so that their ideas and methods of parenting can clash, it's so they can share the burden and build upon each other.

I really believe that choosing marriage or a mission would both be great works to undertake. I can't even imagine all the opportunities to serve that would come up. Bringing souls unto Christ, or bringing spirits into this world. We'll see which path I decide to take when I come to that fork in the road at the close of this year. The best thing to do now would be to turn to prayer. To continue to diligently and sincerely pray to be guided by the Lord. For now, I'll just prepare myself to enter the temple of the Lord. So that when I do make that decision, I will, without a doubt, be ready for what God would have me do.

If I had a billion dollars...

I would spend it on:

-paying off my debt
-paying mine and Josh's tuition
-buying a truck that fit all our surfboards/beach bums in the bed
-buying Josh an English Bulldog puppy for his 22nd birthday/homecoming present
-taking me and Josh on a surf tour to Indo, Ozzy, Mexico & Tahiti
-and live happily ever after in a beach house with Josh

Now alls I gotta do is become famous/ridiculously smart and/or good looking so I can make a lot of money. TOTALLY possible!!!

Yeah right. Sigh. Now back to reality.. -_-

9 months.

So as of today I officially have exactly 9 months left until Josh comes home.

Wait a second...9 MONTHS?! Are you kidding me??? I'm finally down to the single digits in months before he comes home?? This feels too surreal. And exciting. I feel so accomplished. But I shouldn't get ahead of myself, there are still 9 months left before I can feel totally accomplished.

Yesterday my boss called and said I could have the day off because it was so slow at work, so when Ben called me at 12-ish to ask if I wanted to go hiking, I was like HECK YES!!!! The sun was out and it was SUCH a beautiful day. All the pictures are posted on my facebook in an album. He took some amazing shots. It was just awesome. All my muscles are pretty sore now, but it was totally worth it.

9 months...wow....that's like a pregnancy. Those go by pretty quick right? Haha. I wouldn't know. But I know that my sisters' pregnancies felt like time just flew by. They're giving birth in like a month!!!! Ho.ly.crap.

I really hope these next 9 months fly by. Seriously. I'm tired of waiting, but I don't want to give up. Sigh. I've come this far, I can stay strong until the end.

Just a little jealous.

So my room mate is officially/unofficially engaged. They both talked about marriage and are setting a date. The reason I say "unofficially" is because she hasn't gotten the ring yet. She will soon, though. They went ring shopping this weekend and she picked it out. It's beautiful! I'm just a little jealous though...it makes me miss Josh so much more. I'm kinda sad. All good things come with time though, right? I keep saying all this waiting will someday be worth it. And I know that day will come.

Valentine's Eve

Only one more month until I turn 20!!! What a weird thought. I can still clearly remember my 16th, 17th, 18th, and 19th birthdays. Are you kidding me?! I'm gonna be out of the teens in just a few short 4 weeks?? I can't believe it. But hey! I made it to 20 years old unmarried!! Hahaha. My mom got married at 19 and my sister was still 18!! They both have late birthdays, but still...that's freaking young! I'm probably getting married after I turn 21. Which is fine, I'm in no rush. The only thing I'm impatient for is being reunited with my one true love again....thinking about that day gives me butterflies. :)

Anyway, tomorrow is Valentine's Day. I'm not sad because technically I won't be alone. Someone has my heart and I have his, although we are miles away. I'm happy. :) I'm just really grateful that it's on a Sunday this year where most people (well, in Utah at least) can't go out on their cutesy little dates. So everyone will be in church just like me. The only thing I'm kinda irritated about is that Monday is a national holiday (who cares about past presidents?? I mean seriously??) which means the libraries will be closed...which means I won't get to chat with Josh on Monday morning ...that's okay though. Mos def Tuesday morning He just makes me so happy! I love him so much...our love has truly grown into something I didn't even know existed....it's pretty amazing...

What else could have kept me strong for this long? This coming Friday, the 19th, he'll have been on his mission for 15 months. Holy crap!!! I can't believe it. The months really are winding down!! I can do this. I so can do this.

I'm gonna check the mail now. If it's empty I'll be disappointed but I'll also be fine with it. He's a missionary. God is his number one priority, not me. Serving the people keeps him busy, and that's how it should be.

Still, I do miss him. *Sigh*

Te amo para siempre, Josh. <3

Buenos dias!!!!!!!!!

I misss you delicada miyo....
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444 Days.

That's how long Josh has been serving his mission. I really can't believe so much time has passed already! Everyday of those 444 days I'd just think about how slow time felt like it was passing by...now that I'm at the head of it, it's hard to not feel like it went by too fast. Did I make the best of that time? Or did I waste it? I think I've done pretty well. But there's so much I want to do before Josh comes home on November 24! Eh, it's a work in progress.

Goals:
-Read BOM cover to cover: Getting there. I'm currently in Mosiah 25
-Lose weight: ultimate FAIL. Hopefully summer changes that.
-Learn to cook: I'm proud to say I've done well with this! :)

I can't remember everything else I wanted to do.

Oh I got a Valentine's Day package from Josh yesterday! I'm currently still working on his...gotta get it out by Monday!

Blehhhh I have a headache. Still getting over my sickness. :/ Byebye.

Rest In Peace, Elder McKay Choy Burrows...

Today was a very sad one for me...on Saturday, I heard that a missionary had passed away on his mission and my heart went out to that missionary and his family. Then my friend, Craig, texted me this morning while I was in class saying it was two elders who were companions, one being from Highland. He told me it was on the front page of our school's newspaper, so after class I went to the ESC to study, where I knew there would be a newspaper stand. I got a paper, started walking back to my bench where I was sitting and found the article. It was a small section. As I began to read, the words "Romania Bucharest Mission" caught my eye. Before continuing, I thought, "That's McKay's mission! I hope he's alright..." Sure enough, as I read further, I saw his name: McKay Choy Burrows of Highland, UT. I got goosebumps all over and it felt like my heart stopped. No...it can't be...he can't be gone...

Before I knew it, I was already crying. How could he be gone? I remember so clearly meeting him at SOAR in 2007. I played soccer with him, Israel, and the other, taller McKay right outside the Morris center during free-time one day. I remember thinking how cute he was (of course, this was before I met Josh) and he had such a fun, carefree spirit about him. Fast forward about a year and a half. It's my first week at BYU-Provo and I had just gone through a pretty bad break-up with a boyfriend. He invited me and my friends to play flag football on Helaman Fields with him and his friends and even took me on my first date while in Utah (again, this was before Josh). We were supposed to hike to these hot springs but none of his friends or their dates knew where the trail that led to it was. So we pretty much ended up wandering around the woods for a good two hours, but it was still fun! He joked around and made sure I was having fun. When I got cold, he took off his jacket and gave it to me even though the sun was long gone and it was freezing. I ended up hanging onto that jacket for 5 or so months following because I hadn't really seen him around campus after that. I managed to get it back to him before we all left school for the summer, but I feel really lame that I didn't return it to him in person.

The article said that the Burrows' family was not ready to talk to the media and I don't really blame them. If one of my brothers died on his mission, I'd just cry and cry forever...and if it were Josh...I don't even want to think about that possibility...it hurts too bad. But these two missionaries' families really need our prayers more than ever to cope with their loss.

I am so grateful we have the knowledge of the Plan of Salvation. Sometimes life can seem so unfair, but as hard as it may be, we need to realize that it is the Lord who is the Master of all our lives. He sees the whole picture and all we see is a tiny part of it. Perhaps the Lord has saved a special place in the eternities for these two missionaries. Maybe he needed the both of them to perform a greater work which we cannot even begin to comprehend. After all, it isn't our mortal life that matters, although it is very important for us to make the best of our probationary time on earth; for we will be judged according to our works in the Millenium. But the more important part of our existence is what comes after this. The Lord is preparing us for all that is to come in the next life; He truly does have so much in store for us. The pain we feel with the loss of a dear one is not easy to forget nor is it easy to let go of, but it shows us that we really did and still do hold a special place in our hearts for this person. It shows how many lives this special person has touched and blessed.

McKay, I'll never forget your smiling face. Every time I look at your name in the paper and in online articles, I am still in disbelief. I can't get your smile out of my head. It was full of innocence and a purity of heart. I'll admit, I did think you were a little cocky when I first met you almost three years ago; you probably knew how cool and attractive you were. But I literally saw the change that took place within you. I could see it in your countenance. You were a different man than the boy I first met the summer before my senior year of high school. We all love and miss you, but we know we'll see you again someday. I know you have Returned With Honor to your Father in Heaven.

Friends, family pay homage to fallen Elders in Romania