Lucky

This song is so fitting for my situation, it's kinda scary. But I love it and it makes me sad at the same time. Gahhh I miss him....

Lucky
by Jason Mraz ft. Colbie Caillat

Do you hear me, I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying
Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will
I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music fill the air
I'll put a flower in your hair
Though the breezes through trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

My Epiphany.

So today I saw him at work, the usual. I mean some MG's may say I'm lucky that I even still get to see him a couple times a week...but at the same time it's hard you know? I mean..I don't know why it surprised me (because he's so amazing, I should've apprehended this) but he's just SO focused on being a missionary. It finally slapped me in the face this morning after I read the letter he handed me: I'm second best. God is his number one priority. I am no longer baby girl, I am no longer babaga, I am no longer ari his love. I'm just a friend - for now. And I realized that it's taken me two and a half months to finally accept this fact that I didn't want to be true. I just love him so much, sometimes I feel like I'm suffocating because I can't express that I love him in the same ways that I'm used to. Telling him, calling him, text messaging him, hugging him, being held by him...no. I'm going to have to take this to a whole other level of "loving him". It's not the same. True, he's changed, but you know what? I truly believe it's for the better. By him putting the Lord first, he'll be greatly blessed on his mission and after. Now it's up to me to determine if we'll work out or not. Can I handle not getting so much love and affection anymore for two whole years? Will I be able to conciously and proactively put the Lord first in everything I do? The great news is that it's possible, I can do it. I can't afford to underestimate the difficulty of doing that, or the importance of me putting the Lord first. If I don't do that, how am I ever going to survive these next two years? I believe that Heavenly Father wanted Josh to stay at the MTC longer not only for his sake and for those he associates himself with at the MTC (he mentioned he's helped a lot of guys out in there), but also for my sake. If Josh left on January 20th, which is when he was supposed to leave, I totally would NOT have been ready. It took me until this morning to realize my role in this whole ordeal! I cannot be the same Ari that I've been for him before his mission. I can possess the same love I've had for him from the start (which grows more and more with each passing day, as crazy as that sounds)...but I must show it differently. I have to learn to deal with not being able to say it, or to be able to hear it from him. Before he left he said, "I love you Ari...I really do...never forget that." At the time I felt so sure that I could heed his advice. But it's easier said than done! I think that if I focus harder on developing and strengthening my relationship with Christ, the waiting process will just come easier along with it. I love Joshua Kamalama Graham. And you know what else? I love my Savior, Jesus Christ even more. And I know he loves me too. Both of them. :) And now...I can honestly say..I finally feel at peace.

Josh, I'm ready. Go out into the field and serve!

Give 'em Heaven, Elder! Make us (including God) proud. <3

Just another one of those days...

I found all the old messages between me and Josh on facebook yesterday. As I read through them (about 10 pages long printed) I wanted to cry...I miss him like crazy. Being in Utah just makes it worse because it's really hard for me to be happy here. And once he leaves the MTC it'll be two and a half months of hell before I can be happy and warm at home again.

I love him.
:) ..... :(

Pictures!! Finally. :)

Brother Graham (Josh's dad) finally sent me some pictures from his farewell and the Utah trip! :) Oh and thanks to Windy too for taking such awesome pics. :)



Officially tagged :)


November 19, 2008
Tom, Claudia, Windy, and Josh Graham


Obviously sick of smiling for pics! Lol. That's ok, it's worth it with all the pics we got.



Hahaha, Josh is obviously laughing in this pic with the old man. I gotta find out who that is...lol.
Farewell - October 12, 2008

Eating at Fuddruckers...i love my goofball :)

Walking to the MTC

November 19, 2008

This picture is soooo cool! It looks like a magazine pic! And of course, he's talking to ME on the phone ;) (Outside the Travelodge)

Saying goodbye to George & his bros the night he left..aww so cute

November 14, 2008

Ben Beck (reppin' the all bus up shirt...*shakes head*), Josh and Alohi Fanara at the Honolulu Airport

November 14, 2008

Farewell - October 12, 2008 Honolulu, HI Mission Pres.

Hugging Robin (soon to be Sister Beck that day!) November 19, 2008

The Grahams in front of the Provo Temple

November 19, 2008

Us kids outside Tucano's after Sis. Graham's 50th bday dinner

Elder Joshua Graham and Elder Robert Beck!

best friends/surfer buddies cheehee!!

Farewell at Kahala Chapel - October 12, 2008

I know it's in such a random order but that's why I put the dates.

Gosh I love him so much :)

Golden Grahams.

I had another dream about Josh last night but I can't remember what happened. But I know it took place back home in Hawaii.





There are times where I can be surrounded by a crowd of people, busily doing something or having fun and I'd just stop and think about how much better it'd be with him there... :/ ... someday..





I love Joshua Graham and I'm going to marry him one day. I love him and that doesn't even begin to cover it.





:)

P.S. - About the picture to the left. Hahaha. Props to Jaso for sending me this on my phone and saying "When you and Josh have kids and come back from surfing all the time I'm gonna call you guys this." xP

Another MTC Extension!

So Josh is probably going to be held back in the MTC until February 3rd. I feel so bad for him because he's so sick of it there. Especially with the broken wrist and everything (which is why he's being held back longer) he's sort of struggling emotionally. But I've been writing him continually and I hope he feels a little better with my letters. I had a kinda unique experience yesterday, because after speaking with him at work and finding out about his second extension I was thinking a lot about how I could help him, and then I decided it would be good to let his family know. Turns out his mom prayed that morning that Heavenly Father would let her know how her son is doing. His family really has no clue because his emails are literally "The gospel is true I love you Elder Graham" and they haven't received a real, detailed letter from him since like Christmas I think. So when I was prompted to send Mama Graham a text message her response was very touching and grateful. She said that I was able to take part in Heavenly Father's answer to her prayers. :) I was like, wow! That is special. And then his dad sent me a message on Facebook thanking me for being the answer to their prayers and I was like YAY! :) He also sent me a link to their family's website where I could view all of the pictures from Elder Graham's farewell to his reporting to the MTC. He looks so handsome in all of the pictures, even the goofy ones. Ahhhh I love him I wanted to cry while looking at the pictures. :/

I just found out last night that my cousin, Taite Koko'o, went home! The morning his district was scheduled to go out to Suva, Fiji he went home instead! I could tell he wasn't really ready to serve...every time I talked to him in the MTC (which is where I work) he didn't seem too excited about the work. But he loved the guys he met and the friendships he made. Josh basically sat him down and said "If you're really feeling like you're not ready to serve a mission, get out NOW before you get out into the field." So, he did. That was good of Josh to tell him that because it would've been worse for Taite to serve grudgingly or to leave after he got to Fiji. I'll need to pray for them both.

I spent $55 in ties for Josh at Mr. Mac today...he said he needed them! I got this funny looking rainbow tie that I'm calling The Prop 8 Tie ahahah. It's just as a joke, but knowing Josh he'll wear it around...Lol. xP

A silly little thing today that made me smile was when I was with my room mate, Jennie, in Mr. Mac. I was like, would you buy this tie for him? And she was like, "Don't look at me! He's not my future husband!"

:) :) :)

So much is happening all at once...

I can hardly keep up!

I finally decided on my major today. Exercise Sciences: Fitness and Wellness emphasis. I'm probably transferring to BYU-H as of Fall 2009. Josh leaves on Tuesday 1/27 (YIKES!). I'm happy but sad. Blehhh now I REALLY am sending him off. I got work tomorrow so I'm gonna write a letter to give to him for free while I still can. Paying for postage is gonna be so gay.

Dude I'm so behind in school. I got too much to think about. I often find myself scatter-brained and trying to do 10 things at once. I start doing something, then remember something else and start doing that. Then I remember something else and start doing that too. And then I end up going on Facebook. I HATE FACEBOOK!!!!!!

Anyways, I love Elder Joshua Kamalama Graham forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and that's never going to change.

Official Mission Website

If anyone needs any information on Elder Graham (his address to write him, etc.) go to this website:

http://www.missionsite.net/ElderGraham

Another Dream

So last night I went to my brother's house for dinner and then we watched the movie Alien. So that's probably the reason why I had this strange dream last night...

I was with other people trapped in this deserted stadium. We were all running away from this ugly alien thing that was trying to kill/eat us. I finally got out of the stadium and guess who was standing there waiting for me? Josh. :) And I ran to him and hugged him and started crying so hard because I was so scared and happy. After we wrapped our arms around each other we did not want to let go, so he scooped me up and carried me home since I was pretty much a wreck. :P When I woke up, I realized...it's been so long since I've felt his embrace. Our arms fit perfectly around each other. Our heights are perfect - I'm only about 2 or 3 inches away from him, so he doesn't have to lean down too far to kiss me. Our hands intertwine perfectly together and fit in just the right way. Our first kiss was perfect - not too timid but not too passionate. Just a gentle peck on the lips that wasn't too long or too short. Gahhhhhhhh I know I'm not supposed to be missing him this way. It's that stupid dream that sparked all these emotions. I'm gonna go eat cinnamon rolls or chocolate or something. -_-

w00t! and Future Plans

Heeeeeeeeccccccccckkkkkkkkkk yyyyyyeeaaaaaaahhhhhh I am officially done with 2 Months of waiting!!! I just hit my 60 day mark yesterday. Now I just gotta do that 12 more times and I'll be all pau.

So when I woke up this morning of course I immediately started thinking of Josh. As I was lying in bed I was thinking about school because Elder Graham would return smack in the middle of Fall 2010 semester (unless he gets an extension). That would be GAY if I'm in Utah while all that is happening and I definitely want to be there for his homecoming talk! So, I was thinking about certain ways where I could work it out well that I'd be home for him when he returns. I don't think I want to be in school here and then buy a plane ticket to come home. I'd rather just be home already and STAY home when he returns. And besides that, not only is he returning but so is Josh's best friend and fellow surf buddy Elder Robert Beck! And then Elder Taite Koko'o, who is another surf buddy in the crew and also my COUSIN. So the plan is that I'm going to try and graduate early. I'll finish up my freshman year here, go home and take classes at either UH or online. Then I'll do Fall 09/Winter 10 at BYU-Provo. Then go home and take more classes at UH or online. If I don't have enough credits to graduate by then, I'll just hold off until Josh does his 1 semester and transfers here to BYU-Provo for Winter 2011. If I don't graduate by then I at least want to be a Senior.

I was thinking about it last night and talking with Jill (MG with missionary who left same day as mine) and I am SOOOO excited for the boys to come home! I mean I don't want them to come home right now, because they should make the best of their missions each and every day of these 2 years. But when they come back and our surf crew is reunited again it's gonna be FREAKING AWESOME!!! So much fun. Lol. But I don't know if Ben will be here for when they return...he's 2 years younger than all of them so he might leave for his mission right before they return...unless he waits a while before submitting his papers. Josh was 20 years and 3 days old when he reported to the MTC. Lol. So technically, he could be halfway done with his mission right now if he left right at 19!! Doodoo boy. Haha jk. If he left right at 19 I wouldn't have met him... :( So things really do happen for a reason, I strongly believe that. :)

I am 1/12th done with waiting ahahahha. YES!

I know I shouldn't be thinking about the wedding so much...because GOD FORBID if anything bad happens and it doesn't work out then yeah...no that's not gonna happen. It's gonna work out. If things are meant to be, they just work out. And this was meant to be. IS meant to be. :) So...yeah I was thinking about the wedding. Everyone that knows me knows that I always pick pink and black stuff and everything I have is pretty much pink and black. But I don't know if it would be good to have black as a wedding color...maybe it's bad luck? And I think it would be awesome to get a Reggae band to play live at our reception haha that'd be so much fun and Josh and the crew would LOVE that! Preferably Tribal Seeds, if I had a million dollars. Unfortunately, I don't. At least not now. Hahaha.