Stress and frustration and happiness

So I'm kinda torn right now cuz I am SOOOOO HAPPYYYYY that I got mail from Josh today. And it wasn't just one letter, it was three. Oh yeah :) and pennies and a memory stick. :) Can you believe it's been 6 months already??? I love him so freaking much I don't even know how to describe it. I just want to be corny and just sigh and smile to myself knowing how much he still loves me and wants "us" as he calls it to work out when he returns. :)

And then there's...this problem. I don't know what to do about it. It doesn't seem too threatening right now, but the littlest mistake can set me off down the wrong path. Ah frick man.

Can I just be invisible for the next year and a half? Pleeeeeease????

Officially OUT of the stinkin twenties!!

5 months down.
19 more to go.

At least I am out of the 20's. Pretty soon I'll be coming up on the year mark. Ha. Hopefully that day where I can say I have more time behind me than in front of me comes fast. I'll be at BYU-Hawaii by then. I'm soooo stoked. :) I just watched a video of this girl who went to the airport when her missionary came home and they were both crying and just kept hugging and it made me want to cry. Of course I was imagining myself in that video, haha. I'm pretty sure Josh is going to smile ridiculously, maybe tear up a bit. I know I'm just gonna choke him and probably cry and not wanna let go of him! But that day is kind of a long way off, so I shouldn't start day dreaming too much....lol. I love him so much. This is one of the hardest things I've EVER done, possibly THE hardest thing I've ever done. But knowing that when he comes back I'll never have to part with him ever again...it just makes it all worth it.

Oh yeah and I forgot to mention something else. So I don't know if I mentioned this before, but Windy just got a new boyfriend over spring break who happens to already have his mission call. Hahaha. Sound familiar? So I'm like SWEET! My new sis will be in the same situation as I am for about a year, because she decided to wait for him. He doesn't leave till October, and I'll be helping her through that. I mean I didn't really have anyone to help me out when Josh first left, so I at least want to give her an idea of what to expect. And then today I find out her cousin, Malia also is waiting for her missionary! He just left in December. So it's like a whole family affair already, haha. Kinda funny but cute. But it'll give us this time to get closer to each other, even though I haven't really met Malia in person yet. I can't wait though!

So Mother's day is coming up, and you know what that means!!! Missionaries get to call home!!! It's one out of the two times in the year they get to talk to their family. Windy said she'll do a 3-way so I can also talk to Josh. I am sooo freakin stoked to hear his voice again!! Gahhhh I absolutely love him...

Tomorrow is email day! 5 more days until I come home! I am seriously gonna spend my days outside. Beach, hiking, running, whatever. I am so sick of being indoors and watching tv and movies all the freakin time! Ugh. And I need to lose all this weight I gained. My goal is to lose like 15 pounds before Josh gets back. He deserves to come home to the girl he left back home, not a fat girl. Yuuuuuck. And I plan to get a lot better at surfing by then too. So there's some goals I can work on to pass the time. :)

"I'll only be gone for a short while. Wait for me. I love you.."

2 down, 2 more to go!

Yay! I am officially done with classes for this semester and next week I go home! So that's two semesters down, and two more to go before Josh comes home. :)

I've been having some really weird dreams lately, but it'll pass. BTW, this wasn't one of my weird dreams (in fact it was an amazing one) but I dreamt that I married Josh and it felt so real and when I woke up it didn't feel like it was that far off.. :)

I can't wait for my next letter & videos!! I <3 him sooooooo much..

Oh yeah, I like when I forget about this site cuz then the next time I look at the countdown I'm like gosh! I'm making so much progress! And I really am. :)

Summer is so close, I can TASTE it!

One more week of school and then finals and I am OUT OF HERE!!! I'm so excited! I was thinking about it today, and I really think this next year and a half is going to fly by. I mean I'll be working and surfing every single day this summer, and then I'm going to be starting school back home at BYU-H in July and then in the Fall, Josh's sister Windy and I are going to be room mates for the 09-10 school year! That'll be so much fun! And then after that is summer again (which aalllwayyyss goes by so fast) and Josh will be home already!! I am so stoked about life. :) And I can't believe I'm almost done with 1/4 waiting....I know I could not have gotten to this point without the love and support of friends and family. It hasn't been easy at all, and I know it won't get any easier, but I KNOW that I can do this. I just have to be open to the Lord and stay close to Him. :)

BTW, I found out what Josh was saying in my last video when he was integrating Spanish and Tongan...

"Tu eres mi fo'ilole" = You are my beautiful.

You can't even imagine how happy that makes me feel.

Surprise Video in the mail!!! :) i love him

I bought him that tie! Haha. Does anyone know tongan????

Finally under 600 days. :)

Look at that countdown! I am finally under the 600's! Haha. That's another milestone in my time of waiting. I'm cruiiiissiinnn. :)

Oh and Elder Graham made sure to remind me in my last letter that he makes 6 months his next transfer (in May). I didn't acknowledge it but I thought, "Hmm..guess I'm not the only one counting up!" Lol. I still won't talk about how much time has gone by or how much time is left though. I want to keep him focused.

Only 2 more weeks of school then finals then I'M HOMMEEEE!!!! :D Summer, i love you.

P.S. - I don't know why, but I just love this picture. Probably because I can hear and see exactly what he's doing with the dog even though I wasn't there. I just know him that well. He makes me smile and laugh without even trying. He makes me smile and laugh by just living. :) I love him...

Oh dang

I can't believe tomorrow marks 4 months already!!!! I'm so stoked aahhh!! Haha I know it's only 1/6th of my entire waiting period but you gotta admit, that is definitely an accomplishment! 4 months of success! I only have to do it 5 more times. Cheehee!

And...yeah...a lot can happen in one week, I'll just say that.

March = Choke Birthdays = FATTY Month

Yesterday - Happy 19th Birthday Christine!! Happy 19th Birthday Tarina!!

Today - Happy 19th Birthday Jill!!

Tomorrow - Happy 55th Birthday Daddy!! Happy 19th Birthday Rachel!!

Friday - Happy 19th Birthday to meeeee!! :)

Okay. I think that just about covers it. Gosh...all these birthdays means eating ice cream and cake over and over again. I reeeeallly need to start losing weight. I'll start working out more and trying to eat less and stuff AFTER my birthday. I need to look hot this summer! Ahh nah, who am I kidding? It's not like Josh will be surfing with me this summer. :( GAY! Last summer was so amazing surfing with him. Oh well, these will be my last 2 summers without him and then I'll never have to spend a day without him ever again :D

Yes! I'm almost out of the 600's (days)!! Freak, I barely even made a dent in the number of days I have left of waiting, hahaha. Whatevers. He'll be home soon enough, right? :) I have to stay positive or else I'll just be making this harder on myself.

Te amo...
Aloha wau ia 'oe...
Elder Joshua Graham.

Happy Early Birthday to ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I got to celebrate my birthday a week early this year. Since I went home for my grandfather's funeral, my family threw a little birthday dinner for me last night before I went to the airport to come back to Utah. My mommy made me a birthday cake and everything. I didn't get any amazing crazy expensive birthday presents from my parents this year and I didn't expect anything because honestly I was just happy to be home with my family, I really missed them and felt like I grew a lot closer to them over these past 5 days. But can I just say it feels like a sick joke that I fell asleep in beautiful, warm Hawaii last night and woke up to freezing, snowy UTAH?! (Only about a month and a half left... I can do it...I can survive...blehhh).

But I came back to college HAPPY!!!!!!!!! thanks to JOSH! Goodness...if it weren't for his package lying on my bed when I walked in the door I would've felt miserable. But for my birthday he sent me a letter, a motherload of my favorite candy (Twix & Dove Dark Chocolates), and his memory stick with CHOKE pictures and videos, including a special video he recorded of himself telling me happy birthday..and stuff. :) :) :) It made me so happy to hear his voice again and to see his smiling face. Although I think it's kinda funny he's so pale now :P hopefully he gets some tan back during the summers in Florida...oh yeah! I forgot to mention I got two very, very long birthday emails from him this morning (it's P-day).

Although I absolutely loved being home despite the slightly rainy and overcast weather, it kinda made it harder for me academicaly because now I'm totally in summer mode! At least I managed to go to my classes today...but I haven't studied yet. I gotta get on that. My dad told me right before we left for the airport that I have to finish this semester strong...I want to do it for myself, my parents, and for JOSH. I love him so much... :) His binder is getting too thick and heavy...I might need another one already! :P

Oh and one more thing..Happy 19th Birthday Christine!

I passed the 100 day mark! :)

I haven't blogged in forever! I think that's a good sign though, it shows I've been busy and focusing on other things rather than moping around missing Josh. I was so happy on Thursday! I got 3 envelopes in the mail from him! 2 letters and 1 pass along card with the temple on it with little notes written all over the back of it. He makes me so happy, I love him so much. Little things everyday remind me of how much I love him and how right this is. I can't help but smile. :)

Fast update: My grandfather passed away last week, so I'm about ready to go to the airport to fly home (YES!!) for his funeral. Although I am not happy he has passed away, it was definitely the best thing for him at this point because he was so depressed after my grandma passed away a year ago, and he's been in really bad health for a very long time too. It was his time, and at least he is happy with my grandma and at peace. I love him and he will be missed.

While I was unloading my little Hello Kitty suitcase to use for this trip last night, I found my old plane tickets from last October...when I flew home to see Josh for halloween weekend. I started crying because of course it brought back such amazing memories that I don't want to ever forget and I miss him...and also because...I guess when your missionary has been gone for a while you begin to wonder if it was even real..and just holding that plane ticket in my hands was reassurance to me that, yes, this is real: his love for me is real, my love for him is real, and the fact that we will be married for time and all eternity someday is real.