Turning the Page

I realize I started off this blog pretty strong (probably due to a tiny obsession with a certain missionary...I don't know, just a random guess) but ended up kinda dropping it. I'd consider even removing this blog entirely from the internet, but then I went through and started reading my posts through out the past year or two. Even though the first couple (okay, maybe the first year of blog posts) were a bit embarrassing with my love-sick attitude, it's still interesting to literally see the growth I feel I've had in the past two years or so.

SO...can you guess where I am right now? I'm sitting in a chair. At a computer. In the living room. But not just any chair at any computer in any living room. I am at the former Elder Joshua Graham's house. And he is home.

How in the world can I sum up what the past two years have been like for me? And even these past few weeks of him being home? I guess while he's out helping Bachan (his grandma, how cute) wash her car out in the front, I've got a minute to just list some thoughts.

The whole concept of a girl "waiting" for her missionary is highly controversial in the Mormon community. Okay, maybe not highly, but for an MG like myself, who had to endure comments, concerns, remarks, lectures, etc. from a number of people, it pretty much was. The entire freaking two years. So I'm not even gonna go into that. All I can say is, when a girl decides she is going to "wait" for her missionary over the next two years, EVERY situation is different. Every relationship is different. While it's true that a lot of girls are just love-sick and clingy and aren't able to let go of their boys, there are a select few who actually have a mature and open perspective to it as they wait. Looking back at the road I've trod over the past two years, I'd say I was both. Started out in the first, unfortunate way, but was molded into the other type of MG.

My relationship with Josh is very peculiar and has been from the beginning. We met as surf buddies. Became a couple over the phone. Wrote each other for two years. And now that he's a returned missionary, we finally had our first "date" that most "normal" couples would consider their beginning. As for us, we kind of established our relationship in the gospel from the beginning. We used our perspectives gained from being a part of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and applied this perspective in our relationship. I'm not saying everyone should establish their relationship in the way we did, because obviously everyone is different. This is just how our relationship was established and has grown from, and for us...it's pretty much perfect.

But here, and now. This. This is what I have waited two long years for. This is what I had faith in. This is what I have loved. And...it's working. I love that it's working. I can't describe it adequately but I am so happy, the happiest I've ever been. And I'm trying not to slip into this "honeymoon phase" where the couple is just happy and thinks everything will be all fine and dandy... I know that every healthy relationship has hardship to some degree, and we've had some but we use those to bring us closer, to build each other up, or to use it to strengthen ourselves individually.

Now that he's finished with his mission, and I am done waiting, it is time to turn the page and begin the next chapter of our lives. Most people would automatically assume (since we ARE Mormon after all...) that this means marriage. But we're not rushing anything. We're still being open about the paths our lives will take us on. For now, we're just doing what's important for our own individual futures and we're going to see where life takes us. If it works out that we can accompany each other on this life-long journey, and even our eternal progression back to Heavenly Father, then....

awesome. :)

What do you do when you hit rock bottom?

Start searching for the steps that will take you back up.

Transplanting My Education

On Monday, August 2, 2010 I did something pretty drastic.

It's no secret that I've been going back and forth, having violent changes of mind about which school to go to. Provo/Hawaii/Provo/Hawaii/Provo/EFFSCHOOLALREADY!!!

Just kidding.

Anyways, it's finally OFFICIAL and ISN'T changing. I discontinued from one school and will be finishing up my undergrad at the other. Although it will require MUCH sacrifice, I am so unbelievably happy with my decision.



Go Seasiders! >:D

My Pichu has a first name, it's P-I-C-H-U!

Just some awesome footage of The Pichu that is blog-worthy.
Ch-ch-check it out.







I love this kid.

Everyone always says the 90's were better...

Tonight, while randomly browsing YouTube, I re-discovered one of my favorite songs from when I was growing up. I cannot stop listening to it. Christina Aguilera has the most amazing female voice anyone has ever heard and I will fight you if you disagree with me. I was nine years old when this song came out. What a weird thought. I miss a lot of things about the nineties. For one, I was young. Carefree. I was always happy and always had so much energy. Not to say I'm not happy now, but things just felt so much easier back then. Right now, it feels like my life is giving me motion sickness from changing directions so much. Which is why I don't feel like blogging about my life at the moment. So I'll just post this link for your listening pleasure.

Christina Aguilera - I Turn To You

After One Month of Being Home.

Welp, Winter Semester 2010 came and went. All the traveling with my family in Texas and in Utah and all the excitement with graduations and baby births came and went as well. I've already been home from BYU for almost a month (as of June 1st) now! Time is reeeally flying!

I can't believe all these things I've been looking forward to for so long have come and gone, or are already about to happen. I already passed my/Josh's 18 month mark waiting/him serving his mission. It's really weird, last night I started having doubts...out of nowhere! I have no idea why. But after talking to Ben and contemplating everything for a whole day, pretty
much it's just Satan trying to discourage me. Fear and doubt is the opposite of Faith. My future is as bright as my faith. :)

Something I really need to get better at is managing my money. I'm working two jobs but I'm afraid it won't be enough to cover all my necessary expenses (after tithing - debt, car/gas, Fall and Winter tuition at BYU-H). I LOVE working at the Battleship Missouri Memorial with Christy! And my co-workers are fun, even the old ones! Lol. Summer Fun has been pretty boring so far, we just sit around and talk. I can't wait for the kids to actually start coming to the program.

Other than financial worries and missing the Elder, life at home has been great! I'm really blessed to have been hired at two places and both were very generous in my schedule and hiring me last minute and everything. I love being in Hawaii and knowing I don't have to go back to Utah in a couple of months. I love surfing again even if the waves are flat! I love seeing the Grahams :D I love having Jake and Wendy home for good (FINALLY!) and I absolutely love seeing Holden everyday again. Even though it's crazy with the entire family here (last night I counted that there were 13 people sleeping in the house including the babies, lol!!) but it's what I grew up with and what I grew to love... I always want to have lots of family over when I'm older and have my own kids! "Soccer team"... hehehe <3

Lo amo mas de lo que puedo expresar...

San Antonio and the End of the Semester

Texas is AWESOME!! My dad and I had so much fun in the short three-ish days we've been here. He said at first he didn't want me to come because he didn't want to spend the money on my ticket, but he kept saying how glad he was I came. I was pretty much the best co-pilot navigator ever. Lol. We went out to eat with Isaac, Shy, and Fenix the night we got in. It felt soo good to be reunited with some family again! I knocked out around 6:30 pm and slept until 8 the next morning. We went straight to Isaac's Basic Military Training graduation after I finished getting ready. Somehow, I got ready in less than an hour! That was amazing, hahaha. But his graduation ceremony was really cool and nice and short (less than an hour). I was so proud of him as I watched him march with his flight/squadron. He said he was almost an Honor graduate and he exceeded the requirements to be one, but they only take the top ten percent and there were choke guys who took it. That's okay, I know he was an awesome trainee anyways. We spent a lot of time talking story pretty much the whole weekend, and he told us all about his experiences here at basic training on the Lackland Air Force Base. O.m.g. I could not believe some of the stories he told us. He said that, hands down, this was THE hardest experience he has ever gone through, and will ever go through in his life. But he feels the strongest sense of accomplishment now that it's over. I'm so glad we got to come and support him. For the past 8 weeks, he was not allowed any sort of device like a cell phone, laptop, any connections to the outside world. The T.I.'s (Training Instructors) were pretty much the devil. People got punished and yelled at and put down for even the tiniest thing like smiling at a joke. If you smiled, you got reprimanded and punished. Everything was harsh. Isaac told me that a girl last week tried to commit suicide by jumping off the third floor of her dormitory building but the T.I.'s stopped her. Men breaking down in tears isn't something they're not used to. My brother sometimes had 23 hour days, but on average they were about 19 hour days. Basic training pushes you to the limits physically, mentally, and emotionally. He said he looked forward to Sundays when he was allowed to attend church. They had a small little ward for the LDS members but had to hurry out after it was over for the next religious group to use that same room for worship. He told us about doing "The Beast" (which I didn't really understand what it was, but judging from the name it sounds not very fun :/). But the worst thing he had to do was this tear gas challenge.

Tear gas, or lachrymatory agent, is a chemical compound that stimulates the corneal nerves in the eyes to cause tearing, pain, and even blindness. It works by irritating mucous membranes in the eyes, nose, mouth and lungs, and causes crying, sneezing, coughing, hard breathing, etc. So basically it was a test to see if they could put on their gas masks properly (it sounded complicated). The trainees would put their own masks on, go into the room filled with tear gas, and if you didn't collapse in pain or go into unconsciousness or anything, then you put your mask on properly. After that, they were required to remove their masks, STILL in the tear gas room, and state their name, what flight they were in, social security number, etc. But the gas has an immediate affect right when you take off the mask, so my brother (and pretty much everyone else) could barely get past saying their names when they just couldn't speak. Mucous just starts running out of your nose and your eyes tear up like crazy and you can't even breathe. After they were let out of that room you just see everyone looking all gross and coughing for like ten full minutes. Terrible.

So, needless to say, Isaac had a very hard time adjusting to BMT at first. I mean, he went from living everyday in a happy environment with his wife and son, having it pretty easy and access to all his electronic devices to straight discipline, training, and zero contact with any loved ones. But eventually he gained enough strength and wisdom to get through it all. It was kinda touching because he told me that he'd have nightly personal prayers with this one other Mormon dude in his flight (but wasn't really active prior to coming to BMT) and towards the end they'd sometimes get 10 or 12 guys to join them in those prayers. I'd say BMT is one place where men really start to depend upon God a lot more than they used to. I am so proud of him for sticking this out and staying strong!

Other than the whole graduation and everything, we went to the Riverwalk which was so much fun! We took a boat ride along the San Antonio river and had a little tour. We ate at Chili's, got to talk some more. We were gonna go to the Spurs vs. Mavs NBA playoff game last night, but the tickets sold out way too fast. And I was gonna go with Isaac and Shy them to Six Flags Fiesta amusement park today but my flight leaves in like an hour. I'm excited to see my family this upcoming week though!! Everyone's flying up to Utah for Jake's graduation from UVU and Holden's baby blessing.

I can't believe I'm here. Not in Texas, but I mean...here. In time. At the end of my last semester at BYU in Provo. This semester flew by faster than a blink of an eye. Every school day was crazy busy with studying and work, and every weekend was party after party after party. Now I am one week away from going home and I'm so excited. I chose to work on the USS Missouri as a tour guide because it's the smart thing to do, and I just found out my friend from high school/cross country team mate/BYUH soon to be classmate, Christy Wong, got hired there too!! So we're gonna work together!! I'm so excited!! Heavenly Father has blessed me sooo much, there's not enough space or time to name everything that I'm so grateful for. But he has definitely hooked me up in every way possible. Everything I've been looking forward to has already happened or is already happening!! Holden being born, Adrienne being born, Isaac's BMT graduation, Jacob's UVU graduation, going home, surfing again, Robin coming home THIS upcoming week, Josh coming home in less than 7 months.....I'm trippin out. Today I was looking at myself in the mirror and was pretty grossed out...how did I let myself go for so long???

My #1 Goal for this summer = self-discipline.
Self-discipline with work, to be grateful for it and to enjoy it as much as possible, to do my best at my job and to work as many hours as I am offered.
Self-discipline with money, to SAVE SAVE SAVE and SAVE some more. Everyone knows how much deep kimchi I am in with this already...
Self-discipline with personal scripture study & personal prayers. Just because I am going home doesn't mean I need to lose all the great progress I've made with this while at BYU.
Self-discipline with physical fitness. Surfing and/or running EVERYDAY. Do not, and I repeat DO NOT overeat just because I can have GOOD local food again.
Self-discipline with waiting. Umm, I have no idea if I'm gonna go on any dates this summer. But I need to do better at writing letters than I did last summer. Last summer letter writing was an epic fail -_-.


Whew. Longest post ever. Gotta catch my plane now. HALO TOMORROW!!!! :)

Quad F.

Facebook Fast for Finals.
DON'T LAUGH!! I so can do this.

I got Quad F from something my surfer friends back home came up with. Quad S for Super Secret Surf Spot. I can't wait to go home and surf!! But I'm going to work sooo much this summer. I won't get to surf as often as I did last summer. It's okay though, small sacrifice to stay home for school :).

Seriously though, I want to finish this semester off strong. Well I just need to pass all my classes so that I can get the credits for competing it. When I start at BYU-Hawaii, my GPA from here won't transfer there. So I can get straight C's and get all my credits and be fine :) Hahaha. I should probably aim higher for that.

Random last note, 33 WEEKS LEFT!! Almost down in the 20's. Yay!

Gotta let go, to let it grow.

Last night, I made a very important decision.
Today, I am taking a hard step. One which requires immense faith.

I just hope I am doing the right thing... :/

I'm in love with a boy...

Whenever he looks at me with those deep blue eyes, I just melt inside...
His skin is so soft, I can't help but want to hug him...hold him...kiss him...
He has the most gorgeous hair
When I first saw him, I knew my life was changed and that it was love at first sight

Yes, I must admit, I am in love..........

with my new baby nephew!!!



Holden Ikaika McMillan a.k.a. "Pichu"
born Friday, March 26, 2010
at 12:00 PM, weighing in at 6 lbs. 13 oz.

It's amazing that he's finally here!!